How Do I Get My Child to Listen to Me? – Setting Limits

“We design our lives through the power of choices.” – Richard Bach

Setting limits? Telling my child not to do something they really want to do and run the risk of rejection or better yet public embarrassment? Have you ever felt like you are the only person who can hear you and everyone else’s child is angelic? I’m here to tell you why setting limits are important and how to make sure you feel like the parent and not the child!

It is up to us as parents to equip our children with the necessary tools to be self-confident, successful adults who have a positive self-image. When communicating your expectations consistently, you are mirroring what is morally important to you. Therefore, your child will know it’s important and eventually listen to you.

Limit setting is important because it teaches your child right from wrong by setting the boundary for behavioral expectations. It’s more than making rules. A child who is used to getting what he wants at home may exhibit the same behaviors in school and with friends. When your child pushes socially acceptable boundaries, the result maybe that his peers will not want to play with your child. Or the consequence for not following limits (rules) can be that your child will put himself in an unsafe situation. The earlier you set limits the easier it is to reinforce listening with rewards or consequences.

Now, that you’ve read what limits are and why they are important to set, let’s talk about when and how to set them. An easy way to remember when to set a limit is when you want to avoid or address a situation that involves 1-physical or psychological harm, 2-the protection of property, 3-to advocate respect for you, your child and others and 4- teach responsibility for actions.

So, here’s a basic outline to solve how to deliver and set a limit effectively:

1. Create an atmosphere that you, your spouse and your child can sit down together and talk to one another without any distractions.
2. Clearly state what limit or rule you want to begin enforcing and why.
3. Validate your child’s input. Listen and understand your child’s perspective. (You do not have to agree).
4. Set the terms of the limit and ask what would be a meaningful consequence if the limit/rule is broken.
5. Be consistent by enforcing the limit and consequence.
6. Be firm and fair with any attempts that your child makes in negotiating the terms of the limit.
7. Be firm and fair when enforcing the limit/rule. Always stick to the bottom line and avoid getting into a power struggle.

Stay strong and be confident in your abilities! You will be well on your way to effectively practicing the parenting strategy of setting limits. Your child will value your word while feeling heard, safe and secure.

Setting structure, boundaries and rules consistently is a gift of L-O-V-E and positive parenting all wrapped up in one package. Stay focused!

If you would like to know more about setting limits, Lisa Navarra offers Parenting Groups and presentations focused on empowering the parent, school staff/faculty and safety personnel. With over 16 years of experience Lisa is the Founder/Director of Child Behavior Consulting, LLC. For more insider tips and information, contact Lisa at info@ChildBehaviorConsulting.com.